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Josh Breskin
14 March 2009 @ 05:22 pm
The decision has been made. I’m heading to New York tomorrow. No one in my family is happy, my friends aren't happy, and my customers and employers are really unhappy. I told them all that I needed to get out of L.A. and spread my wings a little. I don’t know if they bought it, and I really can’t bring myself to care. Mallory’s the most upset, but she made me promise to call her every week and said that she’ll apply to schools on the East coast when the time comes for that. I hope by the time that happens I’ll have found a way to be more in control so it’s safe for her. I’ll miss her so much.

I’ve got a place to live lined up thanks to Craig’s List. I’ll be in the Village somewhere and it’ll be a sublet for a few months. That should give me enough time to find something more permanent. I’ll have enough money to get me through the first couple of months while I’m job hunting. It all seems to be falling into place. I just hope I’ll be able to do this on my own. I don’t mean the living - or whatever it is I technically do. Existing? I mean surviving this thing that I am. If I give into it completely, I might be happier. It’s so hard to tell.
Josh Breskin
03 March 2009 @ 12:02 pm
I've moved out of the place I shared with my friends in WeHo. It was getting harder and harder for me to explain why I was isolating myself so much and why I was keeping such odd hours. Using my job as a bartender can only go so far. The truth is that I don't want to be in a position to hurt them. I've found that I can't always control my impulses and I don't want to lose it around the guys and end up killing them. Liz encouraged me to hunt and now I don't know how to change that part of me. What makes it even worse is I don't trust myself to be around my family. They wanted me to visit for Mallory's birthday, but I didn't go. I kept having nightmares about attacking them in their beds while they slept and that scared me enough to keep me away. I can't stand feeling like this, but I don't have any choice. I think I need to leave California. If I'm somewhere no one knows me and I can get lost among the crowd, all the better for me. I think New York is where I'm headed.
Current Mood: restlessrestless
Josh Breskin
09 February 2009 @ 12:47 am
115.08 ~ "I've had nothing yet", Alice replied in an offended tone: "so I ca'n't take more."
"You mean you ca'n't take *less*. It's very easy to take *more* than nothing."
the Mad Hatter's response to Alice (Lewis Carroll)

I never thought I'd say this, but I'm going to have to give up on my dream of becoming an actor. Anyone who knows me knows that I'm not coming to this decision easily. I've wanted nothing but this for as long as I can remember. I went to school to study acting, I worked my ass off to get parts, and then, in one single fucked up night, I lost everything I'd worked for.

That's a fucking joke. It makes it sound as if I actually had something. I didn't. I tried to play it up as if my pathetic bit parts in community theater productions actually meant something, but they didn't. Even that asshole agent of mine never really got me anything. The big, fabulous dream I'm giving up on is a whole lot of nothing and that's all it ever was. In a way, I'm not losing a damn thing. So why does it feel as if my life's over?

Fuck, I can't even be angst ridden without it sounding like a goddamn joke. I'm already dead. My fucking life is over. And I want to kill the bitch responsible for that.

Josh Breskin
Original Character
195 words
Josh Breskin
08 January 2009 @ 12:02 am
I lost the acting gig. I could have told my fucking agent that making demands on my behalf at this stage was a bad idea. I'm a nobody. You don't get to do that shit until you're a real name. Stupid asshole. Now I'm going to have a reputation for being difficult before I've even started. I'm so pissed off. I think I'm going to pay him a visit and kill the motherfucker.
Josh Breskin
29 November 2008 @ 01:16 pm
It's been nineteen months since I wrote in this thing. A lot of shit's gone down in that time. I'm not with Liz anymore. She got bored of SoCal and headed for Europe, telling me I could go with her if I wanted. I don't want to leave because my family's here, so I told her that I'd stay back and meet up with her whenever I get the time to fly out. That got a good laugh out of her and she reminded me that being what I am, I shouldn't give a royal fuck about my family ties. She then told me that I shouldn't count on being able to find her if I didn't go with her now. Just like that, she's gone from my life and it hurts me a hell of a lot more than it should.

The truth is I can't cut myself off from my family, just like that. Especially Mallory. She's going to be 15 in February and I want to be around to see her grow up. I'm going to be 23 forever. I'm not going to be celebrating any milestone birthdays ever again. The only way I can really see the passage of time is to see it in the faces of my family, as corny as that sounds (and I know it sounds damned corny, trust me). I guess the day I'll have to leave them is when they start to notice that they're not seeing any time passing in my face and begin to question it.

One thing that changed for the better is my status as an actor. I've got an agent and he knows everything he needs to know about me. I met him and a producer at my job as a bartender and he agreed to take me on after I did an audition for the producer. I got the part in a cheap horror flick no one will see, but it's good experience for me and the hours mesh perfectly with what I need. I've told my agent the truth about me. He's thinks it's great, which seems like such a Hollywood thing to me, and said that he'll work on finding me night work. I'm not sure if there's such a thing in show business, but I'll let him figure that out. He must be thinking about the longterm benefits of having a client who doesn't age. I'm also hanging onto my job at the bar. Job security. Priceless.
Josh Breskin
29 November 2008 @ 10:32 am
He watched her from across the street as she left her house. She was too busy chatting on her cell phone to notice him cross towards her to follow as she made her way down the sidewalk. She'd first been noticed when he'd seen her walking home alone late one night. He'd thought her stupid and careless for putting herself in harm's way like that but hadn't made any move to confront her. She was intriguing. She reminded him of the one who had made him.

Tonight, though, he wasn't going to let her resemblance to someone else sway him. As he caught up with her and took her arm to drag her into the alley, he decided to teach her a lesson about not being aware of her surroundings. The cell phone was dropped and broke when it hit the ground, her screams quickly silenced by a hand over her mouth.

"Shh..." He smiled at her, smiled at the fear he could smell coming off her in waves. "I'm not going to hurt you." The lie fell as easily from his lips as it had every other time he'd said it. He held her eyes with his as he slowly lowered his hand from her mouth.

"What do you want?" she asked, her voice trembling.

This was the moment when he wanted to toy with her before feeding on the sweet, adrenaline-laced blood racing through her veins.

"What's your name?" He could tell the question caught her off guard. She was probably thinking he was going to rape her.

"M-M-Miranda," she stuttered out, wincing when he dragged his fingers across her cheek and leaned closer.

"You remind me of someone I used to know," he whispered, fingers now gripping her face between them. "Someone I miss."

She started to whimper. "God, no, please..."

"Don't worry," he murmured, "I don't want sex from you."

"Don't hurt me. I'll give you anything."

When she said that, he had a brief moment when he considered turning her so he could have someone with whom to share the hunt, someone who made him think of the woman who'd changed his life. But, in the end, he knew it would never be her.

"I only need one thing," he finally said, lowering his head and placing his mouth to her neck.
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Josh Breskin
05 May 2007 @ 10:50 pm
I'm pulling Josh from TM, FYI.
Josh Breskin
21 April 2007 @ 08:20 pm
Aren't those just for teenage girls? That whole BFF bullshit? Maybe not. I hear my roommates talking about how they're best friends. But that could be a gay thing.

Bottom line: I've never believed in having a best friend. Or, maybe it's more along the lines that I don't treat any of my friends better than any other. I've got people I hang out with, people I know I can ask for favors, people I string along just enough to get what I want from them, and people who hang onto me even when I don't want them to. But none of them are the "best" anything.

I guess if I was pushed to pick someone, though, it would have to be Liz. She's the one who made me what I am, and I guess I depend on her somewhat. I don't know. Aren't best friends supposed to be who you call when you want to do shit? I don't exactly want to go bowling with her. I mainly want to have sex with her. Hey, maybe that makes her my best friend with benefits.

Josh Breskin
17 April 2007 @ 09:44 pm
I always thought that when you died, there was nothing there waiting for you. Heaven was just a fairy tale told to make people behave and Hell was a threat to scare the shit out of them for the same reason. Now, I know that I was right all along.

When I died, there was nothing but me and the dark. No white light, no devils, no nothing. That's all I know for sure. As for the rest of it, I'm still trying to figure out this whole death thing. I'm walking around, I feel more alive than ever, but I'm not. I'm a dead guy with this thing inside me that makes me crave the life that's flowing through the veins of every living creature on the planet. I feel connected to everything and even find myself reveling in all of the energy that's out there. At the same time, I want to destroy it by taking it for myself. The idea of God makes me laugh (more so than when I was alive), and I get immense satisfaction out of the hunt and the kill. I feel like myself, but I know I'm not that guy, anymore. I'm better.

But what about my life? I'm still hanging onto the idea that I want to be an actor. Barely, mind you, but it's there. The problem is I can't get anywhere if I go to meetings with casting agents and end up helping myself to a snack because that need is more urgent than any drive I have to be a star. Liz says it's because I'm young and get a kick out of taking out someone in the so-called power position. I'll take her word for it.

Anyway, the short answer to this question is I believe that if you're not fortunate enough to become like me after you die, you're in for a whole lot of nothing. Enjoy.

321 words
Josh Breskin
17 April 2007 @ 09:36 pm
Are you kidding me? Not only have I killed human beings, but I've enjoyed every moment. I've smiled and licked my chops after I've done it, and I can't wait to do it again. So many of you people waste your lives, I'm practically doing you a favor if I end your sorry existence. If I get a good meal and a chuckle out of it, then it's a total win-win sort of thing.

Oh god, I can hear some of you trolls bitching about the fact that I'm not technically a human being anymore. Fine. In that case, I would not kill one of my kind. Why would I? We're powerful, exciting and we will never die. I dream of the day when we have you morons under our collective thumb. Right now, I hunt you for survival. One day, I'll do it for sport.

Unless your name's Elie.